an old friend

"Old friends are best" ~ John Selden

It recently occured to me that I currently own a pair of very old, very holey, very tired looking slippers. Most anyone else probably would have tossed them with yesterdays news. I, on the other hand, still feel their comfort and have decided to hang on to them, at least for one more day. Don't get me wrong! I "know" I need a new pair! I have tried looking for a perfect replacement. Somehow, though, they just don't fit the same way. The don't hug my feet like my old ones do. They somehow feel foreign. I admit it! My slippers have become my "woobies" (for those of you that have not seen the 1980's movie Mr. Mom, you wouldn't understand!!)

Don't we all have our own "woobie" in our own lives though? Come on! I know you do. Whether it be a favorite concert t-shirt from high school that brings back such wonderful memories that it would be a crime to throw out. Or, maybe that pair of Levi's that have more holes than fabric left? Some of you may have that childhood blanket or stuffed teddy that still manages to surface magically every now and again. We all have them, whether we care to admit it or not.

Winter is quickly coming. The holes in my toe portion of my "woobies" are barely hanging on. My tootsies will be cold! I know I will have to find a replacement pair, and soon. In the meantime, though, I will happily slip on my "old reliables" and shuffle along as I savor my good old friends...one last day.

well isn't that pretty!

The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection. ~George Orwell

I can still remember her words, like it was just yesterday: "this is your house?" I must have been eight or nine at the time. Those words have dug a spot in my brain so far, that I have not been able to retrieve them and shoo them away. Even after all of these years!

Growing up we never had a very, um, how shall I say.. "fashionable" house. Actually I was down-right embarrassed of it at times. But, as a kid growing up in a not-so-friendly-world-at-times, this could be quite normal. We had a house full of not-even-near-finished projects. The carpets were in need of updating, as was the icky bird wallpaper in the front room! The house was in a time-warp, with little chance of getting its lucky break of getting a much-needed updo. Being a kid I didn't understand that my folks barely had enough to get a decent meal on the table, much less get that new couch that I had always hoped for. Being a kid I was in a different kind of bubble, one that saw what others had and desperately wanted to be just like them.

One day I had a friend come over for the first time. She stepped in the door and the very first words were those dreaded ones I shall not so soon forget: "this is your house?" For those words I can only assume that she meant one of two things. 1. "Oh my goodness! This is a ugly house! I would have thought you would have something nicer!" or 2. "Oh my goodness! What an awesome house! You are so lucky!" Now, being a rather with-it kid, I knew which one she meant. I could sense it in her voice as well as the expression on her face. I was ashamed and it has been something that I have carried with me all my life. Nice house = a good thing!

Now I am a mom, almost pushing 40 (this April). I can still replay that day. I can still hear those words. All these years have caused an anxiety in me to try to present a "nice house." Now, you must know something about me first! I am not the most tidy of the bunch. I have an eye for letting things go and forgetting about them until way much later ( like the huge pile of clean clothes on our family room floor that is in need of being put away, for example!) I am not a "slob", but I am no Tina Tidy either! So, not being super-tidy and having the "nice house syndrome" really don't go hand in hand. (you can see my anxiety here..) Anyone coming into our home would probably describe it as very nice. In my mind though I can always see the "needtobe's": this needs to be done, that needs to be done. My mind can never seem to relax. I am always wanting things to be perfect. I always wonder what people are saying about my house. I NEED TO CHILL OUT!!

I have many friends that fall into the category of , what I like to call, "pretty house people." You know what I am talking about! Those people with wonderfully decorated houses,with all the matchy-machty stuff. Pictures are actually hanging on the walls and not sitting on the floor waiting (a needtobe!) There are real life plants, that are actually growing! Fresh flowers perfectly arranged on the table. Not a speck of dust, dirt, or fur (unlike my rolling tumbleweed-hairballs that seem to be getting bigger by the second!) No, these homes seem to have magically appeared right out of Pottery Barn. Those of you who know me, know I have a Pottery Barn taste too, but a Goodwill budget! When I come home from these pretty houses I am instantly in let-down mode as I step back into my house. "If only", "what if", and "I wish" all flood my mind! The "this is your house" instantly comes to mind.

Most recently I have started (and finished!) painting our family room. It is was a rather easy fix up and it looks good. As I was painting though, I had one of my famous "a-ha" moments. It finally struck me. FINALLY! I started to truly look around our really nice home and it hit me. This is OUR home! It is not just a "house." It is a lived in space that five people that I care for so very much love, learn, share, and believe in. This is not ever going to be a page out of Pottery Barn magazine, and that is OK. I don't need to impress my friends with a "show" house. They know anyway, that that is not my style. And, no matter how much I try to polish, fluff, or matchy-match, I still don't need to fit the mold of those "pretty house people." All that stuff is not going to make my family life a happier one. Those things in the long run don't matter at all! What does matter is trying my best to make our house a loving home. One filled with Christ and lots of hugs and kisses.

I may still my look longingly at those pretty Pottery Barn catalogs that show up in the mail. I will still be friends with those "pretty house people." But, today I am putting my foot down! I am retrieveing those dreaded words etched for years (too many!) in my brain and releasing them forever! This girl has grown up!

Kids! On an almost regular basis, at least one of my children will randomly remind me how MUCH they miss our old house! More importantly, their old backyard. The yard that was large enough to run, skip, hop, and put on a decent baseball game, in. The yard that would accommodate a rather large dog very nicely. The yard that we currently don't have!

When we moved to our current home, we sacrificed a bit. No more double sinks and garden tub in the mama & daddy bathroom. No. Now we can barely stand side by side looking into our ity-bity mirror. No more massive walk-in closet (that was actually WAYYY to big for it's own good!) No. Now we fight with the sliders and boxes that our clothes STILL sit in, some almost five years later! No more brand-new-house windows/doors/appliances..etc..etc.. No. We now live in a vintage 1970's home that is in desperate need of new lower story windows.

So, we sacrificed some. Maybe in some ways a lot! But, we now live near beautiful Lake Michigan and can literally get to the beach in five minutes. We now live on a street with homes not shoe boxed on top of each other. We do backup to a lovely ravine that is private and wild with animals..at times. We NOW live in a home with little to NO backyard!!

I will not lie! At times I get a dose of mama-guilt. "Are the kids missing out on not having a big backyard?" "Should we move?" "Is not having a bigger backyard going to cause emotional/psychological ramifications in their later years in life???" NO! NO! and NOOOO!!!

Driving around our town I quickly see how fortunate we really are. Some folks don't have even the postage stamp size lot that we do! Sure it would be nice to have that big fenced in yard so the dog (the one that exists in my child's "if-we-had-a-bigger-backyard-mind") could run and frolic with the kids. Sure it would be nice to grant my youngest daughters miracle-wish and get that "underground"pool to splash and play in with every neighbor kid. Don't forget the trampoline too!! Sure, it WOULD be nice to have the 1 acre lot, that my son wants, to have a professional sized football field! Sure, why not! Heck, while on the subject...SURE, it would be nice for mama to have a nice big yard to have a huge garden (maybe small scale farm!),complete with greenhouse, blueberry patches and a small pond for fishing! For daddy, a poll barn or two, to hold all of those want-to-do projects, boats and whatnot's.

Yep, a nice 10 acre yard, complete with a lush green grassy area to run and play with the "dog". A nice flat area to house the "football field". The Olympic sized "pool" would look perfect next to that extra large "trampoline". Mama's "farm" would take up a sizable area in the back 5 acres, perfectly next to daddy's "poll barn(s)."

Ah, I can almost see it now!

Now, who wants to mow?

i need my MORNING MAMA TIME!

"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it." ~ Buddy Hackett

The kids have a day off of school tomorrow. This means only one thing... no Morning Mama Time! Don't get me wrong! I love having them home. We get to sleep in (maybe). We get to have a fun day to do whatever we want to. The pj's can stay on until whenever. The clock can go on and tick away. BUT! Mama does not get her morning (alone time) coffee! This may sound like such a trivial thing to the vast majority of people. But I know that other moms out there could totally and completely relate to my story here! Right?

There is something so important, so relaxing, and so necessary about morning mama time to me. First of all it means I am, well, alone! No kids. No fighting! I can sit in my quiet, dark, and messy kitchen and let it all just go away. No worries and definitely NO cleaning until after my coffee is finished! I have time to reflect, ponder or pray. Plan the day or just doing nothing at all. The time I have for me seems to vanish in no time at all. The phone will ring, the sight of all of those dirty dishes will become too much, the cats need to be fed. Somehow, though, all of those tasks that need to be conquered become more obtainable. I am more calm. That itsy-bitsy bit of morning alone time seems to be the trick. All I seem to need to recharge my battery. Give me an old fashioned kick in the seat of my pants.

So I don't get my MMT tomorrow. So what! I know I will survive. But,when Monday morning rolls around though, I will savor "my mama time" all that more (and maybe have an extra cup of coffee!!)

Today is Monday and "Mom's Taxi" is ready to roll. Actually, it has been running since shortly after 7am this morning. The "Dad Taxi" is in the shop getting some work done. It should be up and ready to rock again, hopefully, by Wednesday!

Here is a breakdown of the stops the MT needs to make today.

7:20 drop husband off at work.

7:40 drop kids off at school...stay and help in my youngest's classroom.

9:30 drive home.

11:00 back to school...bringing cat in for youngest daughters show/tell.

11:10 leave school, run some errands.

2:50 back to school (again) to pick kids up.

3:00 rush to dentist for three kids dental exams.

4:30 rush home, get some homework done, kids change clothes.

5:45 hop in taxi again and take son to his basketball game.

? try to find time to pick husband up at work.

? home.

So, there it is. My Monday in a nutshell. Gee, I wonder how my Tuesday is shaping up?